The Darndest Things ...

Anyone with a child knows that some of the most memorable moments at home are those times in which your child becomes an unintentional--or even intentional--comedian. You all know what I'm talking about--the times in which your child's total honesty combines with his or her less-than-complete mastery of language and social norms to produce absolute and impromptu hilarity. It's what's meant when we hear people remark that "kids say the darndest things."

Well, multiply the opportunity for "darnest thing" moments by four times (Lucy isn't quite contributing yet) and, well, you get the picture ... Here are some of our favorite "bits" from our kiddie comedy troupe over the years.

(This is a Dave & Kara Collaborative Post)

• I'm a meatball. Recently, Seth has started into the "silly" phase in which he likes to be the center of attention and therefore likes to make people laugh. Often it's a fairly slapstick show, but sometimes there are comic gems. Take for example, the time when Kara told Seth he was being funny and acting like a goofball. He promptly replied: "I'm not a goofball mommy, I'm a meatball!" We couldn't agree more.
  
  
• Pound the Corn (5/29/10). Dave took Jessica and Caleb to do some grocery shopping and because they had been so good he let them "help" choose the produce and put it into bags. Aside from the fact both the potatoes and apples ended up on the store floor at one point, it was a fairly successful venture. (Although one mishap was caused by Jessica pretending to be Santa and "throwing" the bag of apples over her shoulder to carry it to the cart.) When they started bagging the corn, Caleb asked "Dad, do we need to pound the corn"? Dave responded, "Do you mean shuck the corn"? But Caleb replied, "No, no, do we need to pound the corn ... on the scale over there"? We had just finished weighing the potatoes, which had tipped in just over 5 pounds (Lbs). I guess Caleb wanted to know how much the corn weighed by "pounding" it. Way to make your own verb, Caleb!
  
  
• National Arburrito! (3/23/07).While getting ready to visit the National Arboretum in Washington, D.C., Jessica exclaimed: "Let's go to the Arburrito! (Incidentally, one of Jessica's favorite early sayings was "Aye yaye yaye!")
  
  
• "I Gor-fot!" For a while, Seth used to say that he "gor-fot" something when he had "forgotten" it.(Try saying that outloud. It almost sounds like a bad thing.)
  
  
• Good Decisions (2/09). In joy school, Caleb had been learning about good decisions. One day after school, Caleb and I were sitting on the couch and Seth walked past. Caleb turned and said, "Mom, I made a good d.. (pausing to think of the word)." "A decision?" I said. "Great, what was it?" He responded: "I didn't trip Seth." (Should that really have to be a decision?)


• Stranger Danger Misapplied (9/16/07). At the beginning of the school year, we had a refresher course in stranger danger for both Nate and Jessica. We had been working on not hitting other people (especially siblings), so we wanted to clarify that if a stranger ever tried to take them or touch them, they were supposed to hit and fight them and scream as loud as they could. Nate said that he would hit them in the stomach, and I told him that it would actually be better to hit them in the nose and make their eyes water and get away. Over a month went by and the topic did not come up again. Then we went to a party with some friends ... The kids were playing nicely when one of our friends informed us that Nate had just punched his kid in the nose. We were obviously shocked. Come to find out, the boys had been roughhousing and Nate's friend said that he was going to tackle Nate as hard as he could. Nate told him not to, and said,"If you come near me, I'll punch you in the nose, then your eyes will water and I'll be able to get away." The boy apparently ignored Nate's warning, and Nate made good on his promise.
  
  
• Statue of Delivery (11/5/07). Caleb's favorite site on a family trip to New York. "I see it mom, the Statue of Delivery!"
  
  
• 1pm Tee Time (1/8/07). Nate had been having a hard time getting up for school lately and it came to a head one morning. When trying to wake him up that day, he grumpily replied, "I didn't get any sleep last night and I'm going to sleep in and play golf this afternoon!" He then pulled the covers over his head. I stood there for a minute laughing ... then dragged him out of bed (literally).


• I'm a Stinker (4/25/06). At a picnic lunch, Jessica would not sit down for 2 seconds to eat. She kept running away from us all over the park. She finally ran back up to us and with a cute smile on her face said, "I'm a stinker!"


• I'll be Gorgeous (5/25/06). After begging to do her hair in curlers after a bath, Jessica remarked, "Now when I wake up I'll be gorgeous!"


• Woof, Woof (12/07). For a while, Caleb believed that if he ever got in trouble (i.e., was getting scolded) he would make everything better by pretending he was a puppy dog and saying "woof, woof." He was so cute that it almost worked!


• Aaaaachoooo! (2/08). After sneezing four times in a row, Caleb turned and said, "Mom, I have the bless-yous!"


• It's Cold Outside (12/05). One winter day when Nate was in kindergarten we were all piling into the car to go somewhere. I remarked, "It's cold out today." From the backseat, Nate, responded, "No, mom, it's D@$n cold outside." Thinking we misheard him, we asked what he had said, and he responded, "It's not cold, it's D@$n cold oustide." The things kids pick up at school! We then had a nice chat about avoiding certain types of adjectives.


• Let Them Eat Cake (3/09). Caleb: "Mom, I'm going to invite you to my birthday party because I need a cake."